I was trying to free up some disk space the other so I decided to clean out and delete old emails when I came across my “Jokes” folder. In that folder there was a forwarded email with the subject “Wife Joke”. It quickly caught my attention and I opened it. I quickly remembered it from a couple years ago and its still hilarious!
It reads:
Wife 1.0
Dear Tech support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
_________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child
SupportI recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes, Dear” to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding ‘General Partnership Faults’! (GPFs.) Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during it’s monthly program maintenance scan (PMS). You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give
the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
I am sure that most of you have already read it elsewhere or even received it as a forwarded email but I thought I would post it here so it would have a permanent home or until the server that hosts this website crashes. Let me know what you think.
I haven’t seen that one but here’s something similar & IMO funnier:
Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,which I
had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently
conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and
run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. I tried a shareware
program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system,
forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same
time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they
caused severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0,
only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife
1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come
bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2004.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very
unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in
Wife 1.0’s memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months
later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary,
Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and
Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess
what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring
ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be
reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab
93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an
irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can’t be turned off.
Recently I’ve been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be
problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0
detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before
uninstalling itself.
Help requested
Regards,
@nickz, thanks for the post, I enjoyed it.